5 MUST KNOW SIGNS of EMOTIONAL ABUSE – Mental Health talk w Kati Morton about neglect therapy stress

Today I want to talk with you, About the five signs of emotional abuse. So stay tuned. So like I said, Today I want to talk with you
about emotional abuse. I heard from many of you That this was a topic that you really
wanted me to dive deeper into. And the thing about emotional abuse. That I think is important to note. Is the fact that it’s really elusive. It can happen for a long period of time. Without us even knowing it’s going on. And it can damage us. Sometimes, and some therapists and
researchers believe. That it can be more damaging than Actual physical abuse. Because it can undermine what we really
think about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves. Our whole belief about who we are,
and what we’re going to do with our lives. And so it can leave these wounds. For years. Without us sometimes even recognising that
they are there. The first sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Are they degrading you? Ask yourself that question. Like I said, often times we don’t
notice these things are happening. The way to know if this is happening. Is, are they putting you down in
front of others? Do they use sarcasm as a way to hurt you? And then when you speak up and say, ‘Hey, that really hurt’ They tell you that you are
being too sensitive. Do they make jokes at your expense? Do they ever negate how you feel? Like when you tell them that certain
things have made you feel a certain way. They tell you that you are
completely wrong or off base. Because each of these little
things that can happen. Add up to a really poor confidence. It can really eat away at how
we feel about ourselves. And our confidence when we
walk into a room. Because we are being put down in front
of people all the time. And humiliated. The second sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: When someone is dominating
or controlling your life. Now to that end. I don’t mean someone who is just
‘controlling’. I mean someone who belittles you. Who treats you like a child. Who may even control your spending. And they will, when you tell them
about plans that you have. And aspirations. They put them down. And make them seem so stupid and small. And they act like they are just
superior to you. And everything that you do. Is something that they have control over. You often feel. Sometimes I have patients
who have told me, That after time they even struggled To make very small decisions
without calling that person. Or getting a hold of that person. Because they’ve been under
their control for so long. They can forget how to even think
for themselves. The third sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Accusing and blaming. Does the person in your life, Struggle to laugh at themselves? They never apologise. That would be ridiculous
to ask them to do so. Often these people will blame all of
their problems onto other people. They are never to blame. Never. They have no short comings. And they tend to highlight
your short comings. And make you apologise when
you’ve done nothing wrong. These people just tend to feel
that they do everything best. And if anybody questions that. Or puts them down. Or says anything criticising to them. They freak out. They completely lose it. The fourth sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Neglect. We all know these people. They give us the cold shoulder. They stone wall us. They give us the ‘silent treatment’ when
we have done something bad. Or we might not even know what
we have done wrong. And that is most often the case
when it’s emotional abuse. And I find this to be most common, In parent child relationships. Where the parent will ice out the kid. They will not meet their needs. Basic needs. They will stay in a locked
bedroom in the back. They wont come out. They will withhold affection or attention. Or sometimes I’ve even had parents say They are going to show up for
a play or something. And they don’t. Because they have done something wrong. And so this is how they manage it. And know that this is not a normal
type of punishment. This isn’t an okay way to
treat a child. This isn’t a way to parent. This is emotional abuse. The fifth sign or symptom of
emotional abuse is: Emeshment or codependence. Now the way to know that is happening. Is when someone doesn’t treat you like
a whole other person. They treat you as an extension
of themselves. They may make choices for you. They may make choices for you as a
whole cohesive group. They may share information with you, that is completely going through
boundaries that you’ve set up. It may be a parent that over shares about
their relationship with your step father. Or your father. Or your mother. Or somebody. They are sharing their sexual
relationship, possibly. I’ve had parents do this to
clients of mine. And it can be really difficult to take. Also this person tends to not take into
consideration what you want or need. They’ll say, ‘I’m doing what’s best for you’. Now I know parents will do that sometimes. And I don’t want this to be confused with
parents saying, ‘I’m not going to buy you that
$200 pair of shoes.’ ‘Because I know what’s best for you. You’re
going to be fine with this $50 pair of shoes.’ That’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is you actually
have needs or wants. Like, ‘I really would like to take this
class.’ Or, ‘It’s really important for me, that I
go to this university.’ Or see this friend. And they are like, No no. I know what’s best for you and you are
going to hang out with me all day. We’re going to do things together,
all day long. And these people have no boundaries
for like a parent child relationship. Or a friend to friend relationship. They tend to not see any seperation. They treat you as if you’re them. And you are one. And it can be really unhealthy. And really difficult for us to get out of
these relationships. Because it’s so palpable. They’re everywhere. They are in all of our business. And these people can even share our
business with other people. Because they feel it’s okay. Without going through us and making
sure we’re okay with it. They can share personal information with
others because, you know, We’re the same. So I figured since I thought it was
okay, you’d think it’s okay. Right. So there is no division. Now I hope this helps clear it up. I tried to break this down into sections, Because emotional abuse is this huge vast
bucket of things that can happen to us. And if you are worried. Or you think that this has happened to you. The most important thing you can do,
if you are under 18. Is speak up about it. Because emotional abuse is not something
that you have to tolerate. And it’s something that is reportable. I’m a mandated reporter
for things like this. Because, especially under the neglect. And the blaming and the shaming. And the enmeshment. The unhealthy relationships that parents
can have with their children. Can be detrimental to us in the future. So the sooner you speak up and
get support, the better. Now if you are a survivor of this. I hope that you are seeking therapy. And you are getting your own support
for this. Because we can overcome it. This doesn’t define who we are. Because this has happened to us. That doesn’t mean that our whole world is
sucked into it. And that we’ll do this to other people. Or we’ll only be in abusive relationships. We can get through it. The more we talk about it. The more honest we are about it. And talking about the details. And how hurtful things were for us. The faster we will over come it. I hope that you found this helpful. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I put out videos five days a week. And you don’t want to miss them. Right. And as always. Leave your comments below. Let me know what you liked, didn’t like. Things that you want me to
talk about more. And if you like this video,
give it a thumbs up. And wherever you are on the internet. You can find me. So make sure you follow me on
twitter, tumblr, instagram, Whatever. Wherever you need me, I’m there. I’ll see you next time. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “5 MUST KNOW SIGNS of EMOTIONAL ABUSE – Mental Health talk w Kati Morton about neglect therapy stress

  1. This is my father in a nutshell, he's done it for many years, screaming, cursing, etc. It all came to a head for me when he put his hands on me and tried to choke m twice.

  2. I have a passion of building with legos and other building toys. I’m 13 and my dad thinks I’m too old for them. It upsets me. I like showing my creations to my parents and they seem uninterested. Every time I have an interest that I want to show they don’t really care. My mom does that and after I say something’s he says I have an (attitude) and I get in trouble. After I say something about me not having an (attitude) I get threatened with (do you want to do this or that tomorrow) and I get upset. I cry easily because the way I am. I get told I’m (selfish) by my step dad. I need help. Plus I might have adhd but my parents don’t care

  3. My dad does this and he’s always like why are you so sad all the time and he gets really angry like hmm maybe it’s the fact that I hate myself because of you just a thought

  4. Thank you for this video my dad is always like this to me and I'm afraid to speak up because if I so he starts yelling at me and threatens to hit me I can't wait till I can move out

  5. My mom is always focusing on my flaws and it lowers my self-esteem and confidence. I even question my self-worth. Then, I confront her about how it makes me feel and she goes on a 10 minute rant about how I'm an ingrate. She plays the victim and says that she is "abused."

  6. The hardest part is the cycle. The constant fights but gong back because you’re so forgiving and loving. And they’ll act nice, not really apologize but tell you it’ll be better. There are times I’ve been hurt by something and would try to talk it out calmly and I’d get blocked and he’d somehow tell me I was crazy and disrespecting him. It’s been gong on for over a year and damn it kills your self confidence. I wish it was easier to move on and let go.

  7. arguing with my parents:

    •explaining my side: “stop giving excuses”

    •staying quiet: “dont you want to say anything”

    •saying sorry: “dont say sorry if you dont mean it”

  8. really the controlling and the accusing one is my dad…I'm tired of him I'm just tired of him…I just wish I could be with Jesus rn 😢

  9. My mom is mentally ill and I have a hard time differentiating if it's her mental illness or if she's doing it intentionally. I know my parents need my help and I'm an only child but I can't stand to be around her.

  10. This was so fucking helpful, thank you. My dad has been doing this to me my whole life, almost all the signs.

  11. Today My dad was trying to force me to meet his girlfriend after 3 weeks of dating her. He dated LOTS of women for over 5 years. Anyways me and my mom realized it’s not healthy for me to meet her and I disagreed with my dad. He yelled at me and said I’m gonna go to hell, that I’m crazy and that he hates me. I already had a low self esteem but that just about made it even lower. He even mentioned my grandparents dislike me. It’s all I think about now…

  12. I worry that this is me. Or was me, is still partly me?…I live with BPD and things have changed quite a bit over the last few years (for the better). I'm trying to be a healthier person.

  13. Honestly
    I can't tell if I'm being emotionally abused. Is it anxiety? Is it just me overreacting? My dad says things like your being lazy or I'm selfish. He's made it to the point where I can't speak up about it hurting. Even if it's a regular conversation about something I'm passionate about he slowly tells me why I'm wrong. To the point I want to cry. He doesn't say anything like I'm worthless or anything like that. But, he does make me feel like I'm not good enough. Even though he says he loves me and wants nothing but the best for me. And that makes me feel truly selfish. He thinks I'm this emotionally strong and confident girl who can take anything but in reality I can't talk or look at people without hesitating. Like I'm going to say the wrong thing or give off the wrong impression. I constantly am trying to make myself perfect. It hurts and I can't speak up about it, especially when I still feel it's partly my fault. I hate myself but I feel selfish for that because I know people have it worse.

  14. Are the parents who were abused in their childhod by their parents most likely to be abusive to their children?

  15. I'm only living at home to help my mum pay rent while my biological father (who I hate) is in jail. The problem is that I feel trapped now as my mother is emotionally abusive (which has gotten a lot worse recently), and I feel that if I just left I would be cutting myself off from the family completely as they'd blame me for making things financially hard, not to mention my younger brother has depression and I'm worried he would hurt/kill himself due to the stress of me leaving. I'm estranged from most of my family members now: "father", sister, older brother (recently). I mean what's the point of surrounding yourself with such negativity/abuse? I don't want to live my life like that. I don't believe you should forgive people just because they're "family". I'm mostly just worried about my younger brother.. What should I do?

  16. I didn’t see anything on helping someone leave an abusive relationship and knowing what to say or not say to them

  17. My emotionally abusive sister stonewalled me and ignored me, didn't look at me didn't talk to me at our own mothers funeral gathering.

    What a piece of work… i'm glad she's able to live with her self, being the hell creature that she is.

  18. My half sister's mom is completely enmeshed and codependent with her. She can not back the hell out of that shit and get her own life, it's completely messed up – she can't let my grown sister even order her own food and has to pry in her life when away at university, when away in her husbands city, she just has to get into everything and be part of it.

    It's so persistent and creepy and sick. I'm pretty sure this person was part the justification' for my father getting rid of me at age five.

  19. My mother does this to me everyday. I'm 35 and she constantly treats me as a 13 year old. I'm not sure I've been able to properly mature mentally. I still ask for ice cream even though I can take myself and get it. I ask permission for everything I want to do.

  20. My mother made me co-dependant and my older sibling is very emotionally abusive. This was and still is hurting me. My older sibling lives next door and I try to hide out as much as possible. I feel I can never excape.

  21. After watching these videos I think I am the abuser to my best friend… I never realized that but my friend told me she can't take it anymore then I noticed I am the abuser. I just want to know is there any psychological help that could help me and I really want to change so I will never do this to people that I love.

  22. My husband has emotionally abused me since before we got together. I didn’t realize it until later on. 16 well 17 years later I am paying for it dearly. I actually fantasize about killing myself like everyday.

  23. I have just realized after being married to a man for 30 years it’s been constant emotional abuse!!! Never ending! I feel like a child! I can’t do anything right! I have Multiple Sclerosis and am very dependat on this person bec I don’t drive I’m sick a lot and when I do need to go to hospital I’m yelled at oh my Gid not again!!! Your so slow getting ready can’t you be on time?? We will have to wait for hours to be seen etc etc he is sneaky bec he never allows others to hear him act like this! He complains about missing work or having to see me when I’m in the Hospital I feel so alone! My Daddy just died and the stress is too much it has kicked up my MS and now I need to go get The I’ve steroids etc I feel so guilty for being sick and isolated from my sister who I depend on because he hates her!! I’m near suicide !! I wish I was dead so I would at least have my Dad back! He was so afraid for my Daddy.. and that was my only savior.. oh God

  24. I feel like my sister does not love me any more she used to when we were little but now shes in middle school and still abuses me and my brother

  25. My mother qualifies for all but #5… does that mean she’s Been treating me poorly and using manipulation? Does she have to be all of them..?

  26. I have been in an emotional abusive relationship for the last 5 months and now that i am out of it i see it i didnt notice it when i was in it but everyone was telling me it was abusive now i see how much damage he caused me

  27. I think I'm suffering from learned helplessness in my current relationship but due to the emotional abuse from my parents. Any advice? I've got a couple more questions

  28. I’m have a room mate my age 13 and he emotionally abuses me I tell my mother his mother but his mother doesn’t do anything and try’s to say I’m looking at it a way I’m not spouse to so I’m not the kind of person to be going through depression but I’m definitely looking into my symptoms

  29. 1:32 – going off of that, would me telling my mom about something that's been really bothering me and her disregarding it by saying that it's not a big deal, everyone experiences it count? Or is she right and I'm just overreacting lmao

  30. Wow, all of these my parent have done I hate to think I was emotionally abuse because I always see abuse as a strong word, but I'm not sure anymore

  31. I lived with a mother and a grandmother who mistreated me emotionally for a long time. Even after I graduated from high school. I'm still hurting from years of abuse, even though they're both gone now.

  32. Thank you Katie! I hope soon I can be a physiologist & I love helping others and it’s so interesting. I love you & you help a lot of people like me

  33. My dad always calls me names almost everyday he calls me fat retarded stupid ugly and infront of my son and my mom passed away so i feel like i got no one to talk to now 🙁 and if i tell him off he gets all mad and will ignore me and be mean to me all day

  34. I had a friend like this. They’re a good person, but they were emotionally abusive. I ‘broke up’ with them and I don’t regret anything. Thank you for the video, Kati!

  35. Man… just realized I have a lot of work to do. I would hate to unknowingly abuse my future kids.

    Thanks for the videos!!

  36. When I was a child I was happy, loved, I felt loved. Then one day my grandma came to live with us. At first it was all happy go lucky and I was pretty excited she was here. Then about 4/5 months of her staying with us things changed. I remember one time when I was getting picked up from school by my grandma, we were driving back to my house she mentioned something about me getting chubbier and I needed to cut back on what I ate. At the time I actually agreed with her because before that I was always the of chubby kid in the class. Since then she has constantly been berating me saying stuff such as: " you are getting chubbier every day look at yourself in the mirror that's not attractive", "You look like you just came out of bed go put on another (shirt, pants, etc.) It got to the point were I developed a MAJOR lack of self confidence, I started to have depressive/ suicidal thoughts which led to my self harm issues, I also developed an eating disorder due to all the talk of my weight. I finally told my mom what was going on and she said: "don't listen to her, she just saying things, toughen up you will always have mean people in your life." Even though I told my mom and she KNEW what was happening under her roof she did nothing about it. PLEASE, if you have and/or are going through the same thing please contact one of your parents or a trusted adult don't let things go too far like I did it will result in a much worse outcome. Not all emotional abuse comes from a husband or boyfriend.

  37. My mom was nice but then she started going along with what my dad says, and now they’re the same. My parent’s way of telling me I’m doing something wrong is by yelling at me or spanking me.

  38. Is the problem with the last point that, for one, rather than creating a unit through mutual understanding this person will assume their life experience applies equally to the other person, ignoring the other person's differences and, two, that they will do so as well for personal boundaries assuming that if they are comfortable talking about something the other should be too?

  39. Do…do you mean my mother? Holy crap, this was my entire childhood and teenage years. I’m in college across the country and I am consistently reminded not only of all my shortcomings and faults, but that I don’t have the right to switch my major from English to something else because “I’m a good writer and good at English and your father and I are paying for your school, and I’ve sacrificed so much for you”. I was told that any job experience, internships, etc need to be English and writing based because I clearly “don’t know what I’m doing” and if I’d like to switch my major I’d be “more than welcome to but we won’t help you if you decide to ignore our advice”.

  40. i always feel like piece of crap because everything i tell my mom is always shouting at me always calling me names and lying on me i dont remember the last time i had a nice conversation she always pushes me away

  41. Well, this video has been around for a while, so I'm kind of screaming into the void, but. . . .

    This is always a weird subject for me to think about. I have a sister who would accuse me of emotional abuse/manipulation, and at the time I sort of believed her, but . . . in hindsight, it was always for trying to set up healthy (or at least, livable) boundaries, and she was the one freaking out at being told if something was a problem . . . but then again, she clearly felt that my telling her she was violating my boundaries was me putting her down and trying to control her — and maybe it was (trying to control her, at least — I do know I was careful not criticize her personally, because, yeah), but . . . wasn't she trying to control me, too? And I didn't understand why I it was so controlling to ask to be treated with some basic level of consideration; I pretty much just wanted to be left alone to live my own life . . . I still pretty much just want to live my own life. . . .

    So I guess now I'm the one who's stonewalled her, and it's entirely possible, knowing her, that she has no idea why. I don't know if I'm handling things well at all, but at this point I really don't know what else I can do.

    So, yeah. Funky.

  42. God bless you for shedding light on these issues.. I relate to each and every sign so deeply and the most painful truth is that they came from people who were very close to me! My own family misused me for such a long time, but now I took a stand and started living a independent life.
    Solitude is a bliss

  43. i want to know if its normal for a parent to ask random people you dont know, about the medication you are taking for psychiatric treatment without telling you first, cause i got upset when they told me years after cause i think it's very disrespectful, especially cause i was 23/24 years old when i started to take them, and i agreed with it, is it okay to do that?

  44. Really ? How do you report someone ? It should be illegal ! My entire family is like this and have destroyed my life several times over the years . I had escaped them for many many years and sadly I was poisoned by environmental mold , lost all of my belongings and was bedridden and forced to move back in with them . My ex whom I was living with at the time abandoned me snd now I am stuck with them . For one year I was in bed detoxing trying to get well which as you know is next to impossible when your being emotionally abused. I need help to get a full time livable wage job that is stable so I am able to move away from them. I work 3 jobs currently and have been having a very difficult time finding one solid full time job. Any advice would be fantastic and greatly appreciated. Thank you

  45. Wow. I'm so glad I sought out information on Youtube and found you. These things are very basic, but in general people don't understand what I am going through, but what you say here instantly clicked with me – it's general enough to help identify hidden problems and yet in depth enough to start learning more. Sorry for the run-on sentence, just super excited to learn this! Thank you, subscribing and checking out your other videos after I get done processing this one.

  46. I had a cover narcissistic mother who did many of these things for years. I wish I knew to speak up about this when I was going growing up. Thank you for sharing this.

  47. Nearly 20 years ago I had a woman who had me literally shaking, afraid to make any decision. One day I was the best boyfriend in the world, the next I was bar none the biggest piece of shit that ever walked the planet. When I met her I was 28, almost done with an MBA, a new Honda Accord, a job at the univ, and a job in a bar/restaurant. Two years later I was a shell of that. MEN, there are SO MANY toxic women out there. Unbreakable boundaries is the answer. Send her packing before she unpacks.

  48. My father is emotionally abusive. He treats me like a stranger and hes sickly. I am there for him and I try to help but hes very mean and insulting. It's gotten to a point where I told him he cant be like that towards someone who helps him so much. Instead of saying sorry he told me I'll get sick one day and punish/suffer die.
    Some parents dont deserve love.

  49. I spoke up about it and they turned it on me and told me I’m being to sensitive and they’ve “already given (me) an hour of their time talking about this” so I should leave them alone now. Multiple times actually. 🙃 now whenever I show an emotion I’m being “overly” or “hyper sensitive”.

  50. My mom does did all these she made me feel mini pupated she made me feel bad for her she would use this tactic to make me the bad guy and she compares me to every friend I have she says I’m gross and disrespectful and a disgrace she even said she hated me I have issues and it’s bc of her

  51. when they emotionally abuse you but then make you feel horible for thinking those things about them and make you feel like you can't speak up skeet seet

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