Coming out about dying



I have a perspective on life and death because I'm a LESBIAN and it's made me think about it in a very different way because I haven't followed a traditional path when yours different before I knew I was a lesbian and I knew as a lesbian oh really from the age of sixteen on I think it's so integrated into my character who I am but it probably is a large part of my identity but I don't think about it and I'm not sexually active I haven't got a partner I've looked obviously a lot of my friend I'm not obviously but a lot of my friends are lesbian gay men and how I relate to them having cancer and how they relate to me it's part of my lesbian identity for me some of my ex-lovers some of my clothes lesbian friends gay friends and also my hips I mean Shona is heterosexual friends they're very close to me and I see them as family and maybe that's the result of my experience of the 80s when I came out and was half of my family to accept so I created my own alternative family and I think a lot of gay people do that so I think about the importance of these people being in my life and at my death or only thinking about them a lot and wanting them to be around me choice is very important for people the end of life I think I'm very very scared about getting worse feeling terrible pain just the ugly nature of getting very sick and dying like that I was just shocked when I went to the hospice to get therapy that I couldn't talk about having this drug in the fridge and I felt my god you know like in the 80s you won't have been able to talk about being a lesbian because were all being a teacher in a school being able to talk with a pupil because we might be seen to be promoting homosexuality and it felt quite similar and I think that my identity as a lesbian has informed my feelings around death and the way it's spoken about I would say that this has been an achievement for me to come out publicly and talk about dying in the way that I have I feel very proud of that because there were moments when I thought what am i doing I'm being I'm disclosing the fact that an illegal drug in my fridge I'm really setting myself up to be attacked I'm really ill what am i doing the stress of being on camera stress of writing I can't be asked but I did it and I feel that it's a value and I'm very proud of that you

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