Esmee’s story – experience of counselling in Wellbeing

So originally I accessed support from the
Wellbeing service because I was coming across some challenges in my life and
feeling quite low. So I experienced rather unhealthy relationships a few
years prior and I don’t think I really realised at the time how much that impacted me and still really did and I don’t think I really dealt with what had
happened then. When I originally sort of was thinking about accessing support I felt really guilty I felt like my experience wasn’t bad enough and that there were people out there that had it a lot worse. I felt like I should just
get over it and I should feel better especially because it had been a while
ago and I didn’t feel the event and what happened in my relationship was really significant enough but actually starting to access therapy made me realise that maybe it wasn’t so insignificant and that it was really useful to come. So when I actually went to therapy I was really surprised at how at ease I felt. it felt really natural and really comfortable to speak to my counsellor she was so friendly and it just felt really open and easy. Also I realised that there was a lot of confusion there for me in the experience I had with this
ex-partner I couldn’t make sense of why he behaved the way that he did and a lot of the time I would question and blame myself for what had happened and think if only I had done that differently if only I was more like this
maybe it’s my fault maybe I can’t be with anyone. All these different types of
warriors came into my head because I couldn’t understand what had happened
and talking to my counsellor sort of helped me make sense of that confusion
and she would reflect back at me what had happened and and lay it out quite clearly and I could see and understand better how this situation came about. So having this opportunity of coming to counselling and just talking about how I felt and what was going on for me it really helped me find some closure to the experiences I had and the feelings that were still
impacting me it felt like I could finally let go and accept that this had happened but that I wanted to move forward with my life regardless without it continuously influencing me and everything I did. I think in terms of what I learned and really took away it’s not as obvious it’s a lot more an
internal shift I think that went on within me of a more critical mind of thinking about the way that I feel and how things impact me and how I think and feel about myself. I’ve realised that actually I need to really experience and feel and talk about situations as they happen and that that is important
because otherwise I carry them with me along the way and they will come back
and to do that I try and incorporate different practices so rather than having a sort of talking therapy where I have a counselor I speak to once a week. I keep a journal in which I share and sort of allow myself to really openly
speak or write about my emotions as they come up throughout the days so that I really deal with these things as I go along.

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