How To Deal With Stress – The Opposite Of What You Think

Hello, my name is Noah, Elkrief and in this video I’m going to give you [a] stress management technique that can help to alleviate your stress in the vast majority of situations but before I give you the technique I just want to let you know my name is Noah as I said and I’m the author of a guide to the present moment [which] was a number [one] Amazon bestseller in the stress management category and my job is doing one-on-one counseling Sessions on Skype where I very often help people with their stress? so that being said So the stress management technique in order to lose your stress in order to be free of stress. You first have to understand What’s causing your stress? so in any moment that you’re stressed if you believe it’s created by facts and [we] often try to change the facts in order to get rid [of] our stress But that doesn’t usually work one because it’s hard to change the facts in two because the facts aren’t creating your stress in Order to see what’s actually creating your stress Let’s do an exercise right now So right [now] You’re just here probably sitting in a room by yourself There’s nothing here to create stress in this only you’re not even experiencing that much stress in this phone but if you start imagining the scenario that you’re afraid of if you imagine What outcome would be really best for it to happen and then how it would be worse [for] anything else to happen? Or if you imagine the outcome you really are afraid [of] happening Take a moment right [now] and do that and watch what happens Well when you picture [it] in your head when you imagine it when you think about it all of a sudden fear anxiety Stress is created in your body Even though there’s nothing in this room to create stress most likely right So if all it takes to create stress is for you to think right picture in your imagination Then stress must be created by our imagination by thinking in not by the facts themselves Another way to see that stress is created by thought is to take a moment in look is it possible [for] somebody else? To not feel stress in the exact same situation so maybe you are at work, and you think your job is stressful, but [are] some other people not stressed in that job? Maybe you have a test coming up, and you think when you have a test coming up that creates stress But are others not stressed in that same situation If so, then the situation itself can’t be creating your stress because other people don’t feel stress in that situation Another way to see that your stress is created by your thoughts is if you look so maybe you think your job is stressful But [in] any moment that you’re distracted from your thoughts, right let’s say you watch a Youtube video That’s takes your attention, and maybe it’s funny. Maybe it’s entertaining or you’re talking to a friend or Whatever in different moments when you’re distracted [from] your thoughts Or you’re given a nice positive thought Your stress goes If your job itself created the stress then you would be forced to feel stressed in every single [moment] that you were in the job that’s the way [cause-and-effect] works if you have a test coming up or a client presentation coming up or a Date coming up, and you think that creates your stress. We’ll just look at any moment That you are distracted from your thoughts about the upcoming outcome you want to the upcoming outcome that you’re afraid of You feel fine don’t you when you’re eating your favorite food when you’re watching your favorite show [and] a Great song comes on the radio in any of these moments There’s no stress even [though] the test the presentation the date is coming up so all of that means Stress can’t be graded by facts it has to be created by thoughts Right look for look for yourself right don’t believe me that that’s the case see from those examples that if any fact Created stress then everyone would have it in every [single] moment Everyone would feel stress in every single second if a fact created stress Right, but job created stress everybody that was in that job would be forced to feel stressed in every single moment And you wouldn’t feel stressed when you’re at home because you couldn’t feel stress unless you were in the job but if you think about it you do I Hope that makes sense. I hope you were able [to] discover that So if you can see that your thoughts are creating your stress and not your situation Well, that’s great news because that means you can be free of anxiety and stress in your current situation You don’t have to change your situation to be stress-free. You just have to change your thoughts or see them more clearly So next up in order to be free of the thoughts that create stress. We first have to identify What specific thoughts beliefs or stories? are creating our stress and The way to do that is anytime. You’re feeling stressed. You simply ask yourself the question What outcome am I afraid of? Right, so maybe if you have a job interview coming up if you ask yourself [that] [question] the answer might be I’m afraid of not Getting this job or Maybe if you have a date coming up, I’m afraid that she won’t like me or maybe if you have a test coming up I’m afraid of failing the test Another way to ask that question would [be] one outcome do I think would be best So you might think it would [be] best for me to get the girl it would be best for me [to] Get the new client it would be best for me to get the good grade It would be best for me to get the job offer because when you figure out, what outcome you think would be best then your what you’re doing is you’re Seeing that any other outcome is something you would believe to be worse right so letting it best to get the job interview the job offer or the client or the Good grade I’m saying it would be worse for anything else to happen and as soon as you create The idea of a better and worse outcome well then you’re going to fear the worst outcome And that’s what creates stress as soon as you have an outcome that you believe would be worse then your body will experience stress so how do you get rid of those thoughts is naturally the next question and The way to be of those thoughts once you figure out the specific thought that’s creating your specific stress All right, so right now. You should be engaging with me With your specific situation [to] figure out what? Thought is creating your stress Just maybe there’s a whole bunch of situations that you think are creating stress in your life But isolate one for this moment and ask yourself What outcome do I think would be best or what outcome do I think would be bad that I’m afraid of? Take a moment and do that for a second Okay, so how do we get rid of this though? How do we stop feeling stressed? Well once you understand that your thoughts are creating your stress and once you’ve identified the specific thought that is creating their stress the next thing you have to do is to disbelieve [that] thought and That that sounds kind of strange disbelieve it, but let me give you an example So if someone comes up to you let’s say you’re sitting on a park bench and someone comes up to you and tells you the world is going to end tomorrow if You believe them. How do you feel? Well you would feel maybe afraid maybe angry maybe sad But if you don’t believe them how do you feel maybe they’re not credible? They don’t look like a credible source of information on when the world is going to end. How would you feel? now you feel [Nothing’s] [right] maybe a little angry at them for trying to convince you but you won’t feel anger and stress and worried and afraid And sad that the world is going to end tomorrow if you don’t believe them so in both those situations You heard the exact same words But [yet] in what situation emotion is created and the other situation No emotion is created and the difference is when you [believe] others words to be true [those] words create emotions And when you don’t believe others words to be true those words don’t create emotions Words in and of themselves don’t have the power to create emotions words only create emotions when we believe them So the same is true with the words in our mind our thoughts When you believe the thoughts in your head they create emotions. You don’t believe them. They don’t create emotions So how do you stop feeling stressed from these thoughts? Well you have to discover that they’re not actually true, and that may seem like a strange concept but let me break it [down] for you, so [let’s] say you have an upcoming job interview the Stress is created by the idea it would be Best if I got the offer, and it would be bad for my life if I don’t So the way to disbelieve that is to simply ask the question can I think of any? Examples as to why the opposite can be true And I think of any examples as to why that would be Bad for my life to get the job offer and good for my life to not get the job offer that seems strange I know but If you really ask that question you can discover wait How do I know we best for my life to get the job offer? [I] never had the job. How do I know I like it? How do I know I like my [co-workers]? How do I know I won’t fail at the job and they’ll end up firing me How do I know won’t take up all of my time? And I won’t have a life anymore How do I know it won’t make me feel inferior because I’m not good at how do I know? That I won’t be driving to work [one] day. I [get] and get into a car accident that kills me I Don’t know. I don’t know what’s best for me right and that may sound a Sound like it’s pessimistic to say well what bad things could happen from from Getting a job offer, but it’s actually not. It’s just the truth. I don’t know if this will be best for my life You can still give a hundred percent effort towards it because you think it would be best, but you’re recognizing I don’t know whether it would be and then you ask the other side of the questions Which is do I know would be bad for my life to not get the job offer? Is it possible that I’ll get a better one next week is it possible that? the few weeks that I don’t have a job [leads] me to a book that changes my life or leads me to meet someone that changes my life or Whatever, isn’t it possible. Maybe it’s possible that not getting the job offer will help me to recognize I’m pursuing the wrong career because people don’t seem to like me in this space Or I don’t seem to be Capable in the job interviews in [this] space, or maybe it will lead me to study differently or lead me to Read more and learn more [because] I recognize I don’t know enough yet. I don’t know what we’ll call it Anxiety [and] stress is only created by the belief. I know I Am sure that this would be best, and this would be worse as soon as you recognize. I don’t know What outcome is better or worse? Well, then you’re free? You’re free stress cannot be created when you recognize. I don’t know what’s best for me. [I] simply don’t know Uncertainty doesn’t create stress kill me because [a] lot of people think uncertainty creates stress It doesn’t if you if somebody tells you, I’m going to give you $100 tomorrow But I’m not going to tell you if it’s all 20s $20 bills or $1 bills Are you gonna have anxiety about that? No, because they are equal outcomes to you Not one is better than the other but if they say I might give you $1,000 and I might give you $1 are you and I stress about which one it is yes? Probably why because you’ve decided, what outcome is better than one outcome is worse Once you discover. You don’t know what outcome is better or worse for you You can’t have anxiety you can’t have stress. It’s impossible so let’s look at another example of of how to lose anxiety in it or stress in a particular situation So let’s say you have an upcoming date, and you’re stressed. So you would stop and say what’s creating My stress well when I think about it. I feel stressed when I don’t think [about] it. I don’t so its thoughts What thought am I telling well? What outcome do I think [witty] best would be best for her to like me would be bad if she didn’t? How do you know that if she likes you does that that mean you’ll be happy do you even know that you like her? Maybe it won’t be a good fit. Maybe it’ll argue all the time, maybe It will lead you to a situation that gets you into [trouble] maybe even if she does like you won’t make you [happy] because you’ll still have all your Insecurities anxieties worries and everything else if you don’t she doesn’t like you maybe that will help you to find somebody else help you to See that you’re too argumentative, and that can help you to look at yourself Maybe it will give you more free time to work on your career. You don’t know when you have stress, it’s because you believe I know what would be best for me, so [taking] a step back What is the technique to how to disbelieve thoughts you can ask your so do I know whether this specific outcome? I want would make me happiest How could I know I’ve never had it before how do I know I would like? How do I know bad [things] won’t come of it can I think of any examples or bad effects that would come from? Getting the outcome. I want or on the other side we can ask can I think of any good effects that could happen? From this seemingly bad outcome right if I get fired [they] have anxiety about getting fired How do I know that’s bad for my life? Maybe will lead me to something else. Maybe will lead me to study more like maybe will lead me to change my lifestyle Maybe will lead me to spend more time with my family while I’m trying to figure things out Maybe leave me to change occur. I don’t know where it will lead me. I don’t know what’s best You see we might have an idea means. I’m a failure [how] do you know you won’t succeed even more if you fail at your job? Just because you’re not good at one skill doesn’t mean you won’t develop another one Or you won’t get better or you’re not great at a different thing that this job wasn’t Utilizing or just because your boss thinks you’re bad at it. Maybe another boss. Thinks you’re graded it it just wasn’t the right fit You need to ask questions stress is created by the idea of something could happen That’s bad if you discover, whatever outcome you think will be bad isn’t bad then you’re free so you can ask the question can I think of any [good] effects that could come from this seemingly bad outcome and be creative with it be The inventive take time to really see that there’s so many possible outcomes that could come from anything. [I] mean look at the past haven’t there’s been certain things in your life that you thought was really bad for you at the time like a breakup or fired or Failing an exam or not getting the client that you want or anything else? And it turned out to be great for your life it turned out quite [alright] Well that can happen in the future as well. We don’t know what all the effects are anything the last part of this is actually this very um counterintuitive belief that Anxiety and stress are helpful many people that come to me say they want to lose their stress and anxiety but they really don’t with the because they believe that my stress is helpful or my anxiety is helpful for getting my work done and that belief comes from the sort of uh How do I put it becomes becomes from your experience in a sense because what happened? We don’t have a frame of reference for living without anxiety our frame of reference only includes Tests or presentations or interviews or whatever when we were stressed? so maybe you had a presentation coming up or a project come out And you did the work and you were stressed while doing the work so we naturally? Assumed the stress helped me to get my work done Right if I didn’t have the stress then I wouldn’t have got it done. [I] wouldn’t have even done it I just would have played games or gone out with friends or whatever and we actually relieve the stress helped us to get our work done and So there is a small degree of truth to it in that that fear of failure [seems] to Act as a catalyst to say I have to get it done right so that is somewhat of a catalyst, but overall it’s very very counterproductive and Unhelpful at getting you what you want, and I’ll give you some of just a few of the reasons Why so one is if you’re stressed when you do your work when you’re studying when you’re researching when you’re whatever? Well that means if you’re stressed, [you’re] not enjoying yourself It’s not fun when you’re stressed when you have anxiety when you have fear and if the task itself isn’t enjoyable Are you likely to spend more time doing it or less time doing? Are you likely to do it right away or procrastinate it see the stress prevents you from doing it now because you don’t want to do it because it’s unenjoyable and Then you say because I did it last minute because of the stress the stress stress helped me It didn’t it prevented you from doing it right away plus Are you able to spend more or less time on something if you enjoy it or if you don’t? Well if you enjoy it you’ll spend more time on it. You’ll do it sooner You’ll spend more time on it and while you’re doing a task. Maybe sometimes you get distracted from my TV Movies internet emails Facebook whatever if you enjoy the task there’s less distractions [because] you don’t Distract our Escapes when we don’t enjoy something we need to just get distracted and have a little pick-me-up for a second But if you enjoy to spend more time on [it], you can do it for longer durations earlier and uh much less effectively Another reason why anxiety and stress isn’t helpful at getting the job done is because when you’re stressed while doing your work Stress is created by thoughts remember thoughts about the future. [so] [if] you’re stress it means part of your attention is on Imagination thoughts of the future [and] that means part of your attention isn’t on the work at hand [what] you’re doing now So let’s take 20% of your attention is on something else other than your work Well that means you’re losing 20% of your effectiveness efficiency comprehension Insights intellect all of that you’re much the quality of your work decreases substantially depending on how much attention you’re giving to your worries about the future [right] worries about I’m not good enough and Whether I won’t make it and whether the outcome will be bad all of that prevents us from being fully efficient and effective Another thing that happens as the result of stress is when your attention is on thoughts You’re not purely present, and when we’re not just purely present with the work. We’re much less insightful and creative Creativity and insight comes when we’re fully with it fully present and not in the realm of thoughts And it’s much harder to be insightful and creative and and really really fresh with our work like a really original and authentic When we are in our heads basically, okay? Another result of our stress is that when we’re stressed and have anxiety We’re not so happy And we’re not so happy we’re less enjoyable to be around. [so] maybe you work [in] a company. You work as part of a team Well are your teammates are your co-workers? Likely to watch you around and spend time with you and be on your team when you’re filled with stress and anxiety Or when you’re feeling liked and relaxed and happy Well probably when you’re relaxed and happy so it’s easier to get ahead in [that] sort when will your boss like you? More if you’re more stressed or whether you can talk and chat if you go into a client presentation? Are you going to do better in your? Presentation if you’re really stressed or if you’re relaxed and free and light with them and enjoying yourself most of the time when you’re light and not feeling stressed and unhappy You’re more likely to get the client get the promotion get the whatever get what you want that work So so anxiety even in that way is is counter productive at getting what you want? The last thing we’re going to look at with anxiety is simply that When we say anxiety is helpful? What we’re really saying is Anxiety will help me get what [I] want and getting what I want will make me happy right so anxiety will help me get a good grade and the good grade will make me happy or Anxiety will help me get the new client and getting the new client will make me happy so therefore. What we’re saying Anxiety will make me happy skip the Middleman If you if you discover how to lose your anxiety now, then you can be happy [now] You don’t have to wait till you get the outcome you want you can just be happy already and then the outcome you want becomes Less important because you’re already happy your happiness isn’t on the line your happiness isn’t dependent on a future scenario do you see and That doesn’t mean you won’t put in a hundred percent effort like we just spoke [about] you put in more effort more time more effective more efficient more everything when you’re already happy So I hope all that makes sense. I hope you found it helpful [I] hope it provides you with the relief that you’re looking for and Thank you for watching bye Hello again, if you found my video helpful, or you enjoyed it [I]? Welcome you to click on one of the videos below as you might find them helpful as well Or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again You can click the subscribe button over there, and if you want my free ebook you’re welcome to click the free ebook button over there So thanks again for watching And I’ll see you around bye you

99 thoughts on “How To Deal With Stress – The Opposite Of What You Think

  1. I suffer with stress. In 2015 stress made me feel ill and the thing was I was annoyed with Wigan council because they were going to stop my placements and getting me into a free of charge placement which I refused and the people from the free of charge placement was a joke. I was annoyed and felt like kicking off. I wanted 5 minutes quiet and they didn't give 5 minutes quiet. One woman said don't you play scrabble and I didn't answer her question. one lad said do you like to go out. I felt like saying to him mind your business. I was annoyed and I felt like using violence. The best thing was on the day was to leave the free of charge placement and I have got my placements back. My question is can stress cause violence and can it also make people lose their temper?

  2. Amazing how much common sense goes into this, yet I had failed to think about stressful outcomes in this way till today. Great stuff!

  3. Did Noah stop making these videos? I'm a new subbie so I really don't know the full story, or know the current news. I am sad that the newest one is 1 year old!!!

  4. BPD and food addiction…. i was feeling motivated, now i eat crap again, f**ck, it seems like feedback loop, i get it what it says in the video, its like stimulant for some time, then it dissapears and old behaviour pattern comes back….I was able to wuit alcohol, smoking for about almost  4 years ago… and other bad x behaviours.. But now there are other addictions, seems that its like we look new ones always, i think i need to find some healthier addiction, now i eat ba food, then iam again one week stable with low carb diet, then again i fall, any similar experiences?

  5. This is literally the greatest video I have ever seen in my entire life. I am even taking notes on it. Great perspective on the concept that we truly do not know what the future holds and if our decisions are good or bad in the bigger picture. All we can do is work hard and enjoy the journey! Thanks for this

  6. This is my second video I've watched by Noah, absolutely incredible! Noah has the incredible ability to articulate a practical path to shifting paradigms that we aren't aware of.

  7. I found your videos in desperation over a breakup I'm going through. I wanted you to know that you seem to have something for my every problem. Also I seem to have every problem you have a video for. You are a wise and compassionate man. You're helping me in a difficult time and I thank you for it. You don't seem to address 'how to stop hurting when someone's broken up with you because you really did deserve it and nothing you can do will ever make it any better."

  8. The fosters didn't end the way I wanted it to. I mean about Callie (the main character)How can I forget something so sad .I'm only 12 and I just realized that the show was NR so I thought I could handle myself but I failed .I would be really happy if someone replied or gave me advice on what video to watch. I feel like this sadness will never ever going away knowing the fact they're acting. I don't know what to do😭😭😭😣

  9. its not always thoughts that create suffering so do some feelings .. like for example being in agony. In most cases 'yes' thoughts do cause suffering, however thoughts are not the only thing that upsets people.


  11. I miss good advice like this. It is time for me to move on from my role at work, but wooo ooo…a former counselor said it best, "You are in a vortex of change…" Well, my efforts to leave have been troubled with no reponses from other organizations. Aaannddd, my current leaders continue to delegate my time and talents to other depts. with no regard to previous discussions of availability, work load, and expectation alignment. Very stressful to say the least, but I have a plan and it's underway. Just dealing with the waiting period toward my deadline has been welll painful. Hmmm didn't intend to say all that, but I do appreciate your more analytical approach for suggestions on dealing with stress. It's inevitable and right now, I've got a lot of it, but I am also persistent and know change of my present circumstances is near. Thanks and cheers!

  12. I thought this was good. It got into the reason behind our stress before doing anything else. I also thought Noah was easy to listen to, not too hyper or aggressive. I would listen to other videos by the author.

  13. The girl with whom am going to marry in 4 months and I had done with my engagement ceremony with her on 1st July, She is having a boyfriend, and her relationship is of 8 years, that boy marry to some other girl in April 2017, and after is all she unable to detached herself from her, she is having physical relationship with that guy even after our engagement as well, One day I caught her with some proofs, and showed to her and then she commit that she did very wrong to me and told me that she was emotionally attached with the guy and want to breakup with that guy but unable to do that so, and now she is feeling very bad, I revealed all this in front of her parents, and they scold her too much, and now she is feeling very bad about what all she did, and asked her what was that then she told that she knows that was very bad and she is also don’t want to continue but she was unable to do that so, and now she promising me that she will never ever repeat that thing again in future and told me that she loves me and want me to be with her throughout his life, she told that she want to be my wife and want to see as her husband, please suggest me what should I do in that case, can I continue with her and give her a second chance or cancel my marriage with her, please suggest Noah.. Waiting for your valuable revert..

  14. I‘m just sittin here crying because school is sooo stressful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so stressed. This video ist just so calming ! I already feel a bit better. Thank you !

  15. This video was helpful i am going through a very difficult time in my life like never before thank u noah u brought some peace into my mind for a moment

  16. I have been dealing with sleep paralysis and it is very frightening. Anyone that has experience this knows what a terrifying ordeal it is. It is happening to me all the time. When I looked into it, I discovered that when we sleep we are paralyzed anyway so there is no escape from it. I Didn’t realize this was true until I did research on this. Now I find it almost impossible to sleep. The feeling of being paralyzed is always been my worst fear. Can anyone relate to this?

  17. How can I deal with stress about trying not to lose my job? It’s been killing me I have a family to feed. My supervisor just keep picking favorites and pushing my work to the side……

  18. I LIKE most of your videos but I have a problem with the validity of your explanation for WHY we feel stress. Your example of on the job: What if you feel stress because you know that you ARE NOT TALENTED ENOUGH? You look at your coworkers who are NOT stressed out. Your thought might be: “They aren’t stressed because I have SEEN them turn in better work than me if half the time!” You are not going to quit because you NEED the job so you work slower and continue to stress in order to turn in satisfactory work. PLEASE EXPLAIN how to desires in this type of case. Thank you.

  19. Can i get a advice? If i am afraid of my severe hair fall situation, how do i apply this rule to it? Like, it's ovious that i know what is good for me: my hair not falling.

  20. Wow thank you very much! I appreciate that you provide such expert counselling for free. May God bless you and protect you from financial harm because of your kind service. Ameen.

  21. Completely disagree with you. You state " once u accept you dont know what outcome us best for you, you can't be stressed " well in terms of your dollar example, for individuals like my self, it's not the fact that I'm saying that 1000 dollars will be better for my life. I'm saying the CHANCE OF DISAPPOINTMENT is what is getting me stressed. I understand your point. Ur saying that u should let the fact you dont know that it will be negative or positive should supercede that disappointment resulting in no disappointment all!!!! because it COULD be positive for you because u dint know what's best for you. BUT, the problem is that, those initial feelings of disappointment that will inevitably occur, simply OUT-WEIGH the fact that me getting the one dollar could be positive. It's just the way certain people weight one result vs the other. This video didnt really help me because for example, the initial disappointment and sadness of me not getting the girl outweighs the potential positives of me not getting the girl. (And like u said, there ARE positives)And for my specific personal scenario, I know that I "won't get the girl". So how do I let those feelings of disappointment, that I KNOW ARE 100% coming, outweigh the potential positives of not me getting the girl vs getting the girl. I cant! Me personally, the initial feelings of disappointment out weight the chance of it being positive for me. Lolllll some body help. That's why the fact that I will be inevitably disappointed stresses me out.

  22. Your videos are really helping me. Do you have any videos about stress and anxiety which triggers over eating and not eating enough?
    If not I would love a video like this 🙂

  23. Okay, it's easy to say change your thoughts, think positive, don't pay attention at fear etc. But, it's hard for me to just change the way I think. I feel like I can't control my thoughts. When I'm laughing there are still some symptoms of anxiety. It's hard

  24. I almost never like videos but had to like this one because it was awesome! This will definitely help me with my shift at work tonight that I was stressed about! Thank you!

  25. The slow calmness of your voice and your profesionality stressed me and the niece thoughts you bring up that went through my head hundreds of times angered me. You would only see me as your job.. I have no distractions left my situation is to big to avoid and I cat change what happened is what stresses me

  26. "Uncertainly doesnt create stress?" Omg, this is the one the most stressing factor! Listening to this talk gives me the worts anxiety ever.

  27. Oh my I love this. It is like a light bulb came on in this head of mine. I am so going to use the exercises in this video to get my emotions right!! Thank you so much!!

  28. So you degrade the “law of attraction” and say it only causes suffering in that video you posted on it, yet you’re here basically PREACHING it. 🧐 you’re silly.

  29. How about waking up early after my sleep tabs lose their effect and then when my eyes open or my mind is not sleepy anymore or when I begin to be aware of my surroundings and I begin to think of responsibilities and gradually I become fearful that I wouldn't accomplish my household chores? I just had I think a panic attack due to this thought this morning.what am I suppose to do

  30. omg mister, are you a God or something? you are so right in every word you say, i can`t even explain this. you don't know me or my problems and you probably won't even see this comment, but after watching your videos it seems like you're sitting right next to me and answering questions about my life, it's crazy! you're really helping, i wish you all the best man, seriously!

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