How to support young people with their Sexual Health & wellbeing


Hi everybody’s this is Douglas Hamandishe from NOBODY MOTIVATION.COM
, today I’m blessed to have my cousin in the house, Sekai Trafford and she’s in the house to talk you guys about possibly the most taboo
subject, that is sexual health. How then do you have the conversation with your
young ones about sex health. So so first of all Sekai, Thank You for
coming down….brief introduction okay, my name is Sekai Trafford, I am
my backgrounds a sexual health nurse specialised for four years in London,
worked with people or children from the age of 12 and above, going all the way to
adults in their 90s. In your career what’s been the biggest challenge? The
biggest challenge for me is when working with people is just for them to feel
comfortable to be able to tell me their problems, so the biggest challenge is
when the person comes in just to make sure that they feel comfortable just to
make sure that they feel that there’s no stigma in the room and just to make sure
that they are able to know that it’s a safe space. I remember, never having
that birds and the bees conversation with my parents, I had a conversation but
nothing that fully prepared me for what I would encounter as a young teenager.
So do you and any advice to parents in terms of how then or when is the most
appropriate time to have the conversation about their sexual health? I
mean all I can say as being a parent and then also kinda of coming from the same
background as you my mum and my dad we never had that conversation it was
mainly if I remember at primary school, I don’t know if you remember we watched
some video and that was it! I have a fourteen-year-old
child who I started introducing to the idea of sexual health, he knew I was a sexual
health nurse so I started introducing him to the idea of being informed about
sexual health from the age of probably about seven. It wasn’t just like Malakai
his name’s Malakai it wasn’t about Malakai this is what sex is, it was about
Malakai this is what your body parts are Malakai this is the difference between
a man and a woman and I think one time we actually went to one of the museum’s
up in London and they had an exhibition on that. In some cultures it is known that
you cannot talk about sexual health, what sort of advice would you have for
parents who are trying to come to terms with maybe a child expressing
alternative views or behaviours concerning their sexual activities?
what sort of, How would you support parents throughout that process? The
thing with the black communities that we tend to turn through religious leaders
yeah. so I had somebody once upon a time who had had an abortion and then her
family found out and it was like dealing with the fallout of her Pentecostal
background, family coming hard on her and then just her as a 15 year old trying to
understand what it meant by what she had done. The support I would give the family
in that term or what I did with that family was it was mainly about the young
person so it’s about giving her the tools to understand what had happened
about her body and giving – making her feel empowered. The family you could have
a discussion with them but then in terms of what my focus was it was the young
person because at the end of the day they’re the ones who have to carry the
burden of that decision. Sure, sure talk about empowerment is it’s a very big, its a loaded word to empower somebody particularly if they coming from a
background where by they don’t feel empowered, so again to the young person
how do you help that young person specifically? What specific things do to empower that young person? Usually, within the sexual health department there are counsellors who you
can tell the child to speak to there is also programs which just enable
them, teach them about sexual health and maybe how not to get themselves into
that position again, we would also empower young people by making sure they are on contraception making sure they understand sexual health infections
that can come if they continue-using having sex without using condoms. So it’s
about empowering them with all this knowledge and then also giving them
guidance alongside the counseling to make sure that next time they’re able to
make a more holistic understanding of what they’re doing? Do you have more in
terms of your clinic that you run do you have more men coming or young boys
coming for treatment then girls or what is it? No, what I found was school
would finish hmm three o’clock we would have a lot of young boys but then
sometimes there’d be a lot of young girls so sooner schools finished from
three o’clock til 5 o’clock that was our young people’s clinic and
it would be full, so both my male and females are actually taking a good
approach with their sexual health they know to come and get tested each time
they change partners or after every 6 months, so it was actually quite good to
see them and would give them contraception. Are they compliant with
the medication do they take it or do they take it just until they think
they’re getting better than they stop taking their medication. The great thing about if we’re treating chlamydia which was the highest infection that we’ve
seen young people, chlamydia is tablets that they take man down there with us, the
ones that we might have had a problem with were patients who are coming maybe
with Herpes, patients who might have had Gonorrhoea, then what people not
understanding is that once you do have sex and you’ve taken the medication for
the infection if your partner has not been treated
what would find was a lot of young people going back to those partners who
were not treated and thereby getting the Chlamydia or the Gonorrhoea again to get reinfected. So there’s something there about responsibility for your own sexual
health and the sexual health of your your partner, yeah do you think young
people are fully aware where the law comes in into effect and terms of their
responsibilities ensure that the other person is safe or there something that the
law could be doing to health drive home that message. further? I think the problem or the thing with young people’s is that they don’t because of their minds
they’re still quite young and they’re still formulating who they are, in terms
of going to another person and saying I have an STI and you needs go and get
treatment a lot of people might try and shy away from that. So as sexual health
nurses we also notify partners so we have a service which we get the details
of the partners and then call them to say look, we don’t say who it was who
might have given us their names okay, but you say needs come down to the clinic
and come and get tested. Okay, so is there a consent issue there that takes place?
Yes, there is a consent issue, so if the person doesn’t want to reveal certain
information then that’s where the trickiness of our job comes in. What is
the highest prevalence in terms of diseases that you can catch, what what is out
there that will leave you in shock what should we
try by all means to avoid what do you tell young people to strap up because
you’re going to get this what is it? okay Or is it a combination of things? Yeah
it’s quite difficult so the chlamydia which is the highest infection rate
within young people chlamydia luckily the medication that we give us
still curing chlamydia so it’s a Gonorrhoea there’s a resistance so we’re
on our last antibiotic for Gonorrhoea so once that’s done then it’s going to be
quite difficult to cure gonorrhea from a young person or from anybody!
HIV and syphilis obviously we know about HIV being a stigma it will always be in
your system but luckily we’ve got medication that allows you to live a
long life now so HIV doesn’t cause death now it’s actually a chronic disease like
diabetes syphilis we can treat. The one that I tend to find was causing a lot
of problems well actually warts and herpes so with the warts and herpes that
comes from friction so skin-to-skin contact so somebody might not actually
have herpes showing on their lips or on their vagina
or penal area but just the fact that they’ve got it in their system and in
shreds when you having sex you can transmit it to another person and the
same thing with warts so you might not know the sexual partner who gave you
those but you carry it! We’re talking about things that are very much hidden
okay, so what so what does good sexual health look like? Good sexual health
looks like coming in getting tested, yes so getting tested when you have a new
partner before you have sex with that new partner both of you come in and get
tested. Good sexual health looks like getting tested every six months anyway
yeah if you are with a partner long term still come in and get some tested.
Good sexual health looks like using condoms until you’re sure that that
partner is one you want to actually you feel
comfortable after you’ve been tested to actually not use a condom. Good sexual
health looks like being informed before you actually have sex, so if you if you
as a young person don’t feel you’ve got all the knowledge that you need if you
as a young person feel that you’re only getting information from your friends there is loads of other areas or loads of departments loads of sexual health
nurses like me in sexual health clinics, in schools and sometimes they’re on
mobile buses in Croydon, that’s where I live. So we’re all, we’re doing a lot of
outreach to young people so there’s always someone who can give you
knowledge so what I would say is good sexual health is not just listening to
your peers but actually getting that information you need, discussing it with
your parents if you are deciding to go and have sex and if it’s not your
parents because you don’t feel you can then somebody you trust an adult you
trust, but good sexual health is empowering yourself before you go down
the line of having sex! Well and that’s supremely powerful! I know when I was a
teenager I didn’t get that level of information, it’s great that young people
have a service that can go to whereby they can get empowered and getting
educated regarding their sexual health parents just paraphrase they can
also get support around having these conversations. The last question is to do
with the LBGTQ situation whereby when is the right time do you think parents should
have that conversation, because we’re living in a time whereby things are
changing, things that were not accepted before are now becoming more and more
accepted and children are coming back and asking questions so when do you
think is the right time to have that conversation with your young one? That’s
a loaded question right there, the problem with that question
is that everybody is an individual in terms of how they want to approach
introducing their children into sexual health identities or sexual identities,
for me my home was always quite open in terms of understanding the complexes of
sexual identity so with my son we started having a conversation quite
young some parents wouldn’t feel comfortable with that so what I would
say to every parent is that it’s important for you to do research yeah do
some research on different sexual identities talk to your children so if
they are in the street and maybe they see a man and a man holding hands and
they’ve got questions maybe when they’re quite young, just start approaching it
slowly because like you say Douglas this is the world we’re living in the moment.
We are developing we’re humans and we are developing and we need to be able to
know that there are people out there who are struggling with their sexualities
there are people there who are living with two dads or two moms you will be
getting your children coming in and saying you know, Susan has got two mums what does that mean? So it’s about being open, yeah so for me I can’t really say
like I said for me, I started having a conversation for my son from when he was
seven but everybody is an individual but just be open to that conversation
because it will come! Wow! That was superb, and sexual health is everything
this is probably my most important video that I’ve collaborated with and I’m so
happy that you came to join us. Thank you. But all of this, as we say means
nothing if you don’t apply and share it’s okay there is no point in you being
sexually healthy and your partner is deviant of that you have to be doing
this in collaboration! Douglas Hamandishe for ‘Nobody Motivation’ ‘Sekai Trafford’ we OUT!!! Download your free 140 rule ebook from
the 140 rule.com website the links are below

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